My first summer I spent changing hospital bedding, assisting nurses with non clinical things (this was well before nurse techs, PCA’s, etc.), and being a friendly face and listening ear to patients. Sometimes I would drive the book cart around to see if anyone was interested in reading, sometimes I would just watch TV with someone. It was not a bad way to spend a couple hours a week (and to get a discounted lunch to boot!).

As mentioned, I once had ambitions of pursuing a different kind of therapy. Thus, I spent other summers in physical therapy clinics, making ice bags, restocking supplies, and again supporting patients as needed. In the end, these were all valuable experiences that exposed me to serving others, but more importantly it got me away from thinking of myself, took me out of my comfort zone, and it opened my eyes to challenges that others faced, and with which I gratefully did not have to cope.

Most recently I got to volunteer at the US Pro Cycling National Championships. Not only was this the 1st time that I had volunteered for an event, but it was also the 1st time that volunteering didn’t require direct interaction with the people I was serving.  As a course marshall, my primary responsibilities were to keep the cyclists and motorcade on the race route by preventing them from missing the turn. As a cycling fan, this was fun to be up close to the action. It was also a privilege to help my city play host to the National Championships.

There is certainly no shortage of organizations, events, festivals, that require volunteers. Many theaters rely on volunteer ushers in exchange for being able to watch the show, concert, play, etc. for free. Even large events such as national championships, multi day music festivals, or neighborhood festivals rely on volunteers to help things run smoothly.

Volunteering is a great way to meet people, for young people to get some experience that doesn’t require a job permit, and it allows everyone older or younger to be social, active, and feel connected to their community. In the end there are many positive benefits to volunteering that are good for the mind, body, and soul. So why not get out and lend a hand?

In Part 1 of this two part post on In Front of the 8 ball, I talked about the misconceptions around mental health, and why people avoid seeking out help or consultation. If you’ve made it to Part 2 then congratulations, as I’ve piqued your interest, and perhaps you’re contemplating the possibility of change in your life.

“I need help now. Whom do I see? Where do I go?” These are often the first questions we ask when we have an area of our lives that needs immediate attention.  We need: a home inspection, an educational consultation, a health or fitness makeover. If you work for a mid-size to large company or organization, it is very likely that you have access to an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). This is a program that your employer contracts out to another organization to provide immediate assistance to alleviate any concerns or difficulties an employee may have. Employee Assistance Programs offer counseling services, as well as legal, financial, or wellness services. The best thing  about EAP programs is that all of the services are free, already prepaid via your employer, and entirely confidential (your employer will not know that you have accessed or used EAP benefits).

Often times finding/scheduling the initial appointment may be a week or 2 away, or there may be difficulty in finding a convenient time for everyone. Accessing your EAP benefits alleviates much of the scheduling concern, in that typically a rep is calling their network of counselors whose office is near your home or workplace, and the goal is typically to get you an appointment in an average 3 business days. Additionally, if your EAP company is local, it may have their own staff of counselors whom can see you quickly. Counselors/ therapists contracted with EAP companies are typically independently licensed, have been practicing in the field longer than 3-5 years, and are working in private or group practices as counselors/therapists.

EAP sessions are limited to 3-8 sessions which is determined by the EAP company. Now this may seem short, and I would agree with you.  But it’s a good enough amount of time to “give it a try.” Chances are, in a short amount of time, there will be a precise focus to your time in session, and at the end there will be improvements and perhaps resolutions to some difficulties. If you’ve made a connection and feel comfortable with the counselor, it’s very likely that you’ll be able to continue with them using your health insurance. In a less than ideal situation, you wouldn’t have felt entirely comfortable with your counselor or perhaps had difficulty “connecting,” which would lead you to stop from continuing on with your sessions, or at your final session you will part ways.

As with trying anything new, sometimes it’s going to be great, and you’ll just soar, or other times you’ll need to make adjustments. Counseling/therapy is very much like a dance, you want to be paired up with a dance partner that you don’t feel awkward around, and with whom you can feel at ease. If you and your counselor through EAP does not work out, don’t give up, rather take inventory of what worked and what didn’t, or what you liked or didn’t like, which will help you in finding a counselor that will be a better fit for you.

So if you have EAP benefits, what’s stopping you from getting in front of the 8 ball?

Full Disclosure: I am not employed by an EAP company, nor have ever been employeed by an EAP company. I am provider for various EAP companies. All thoughts and opinions are mine, and you should contact your HR office or EAP company for specific details re: your plan/coverage.

In our own lives, we generally want to avoid these difficult positions, where our options for maneuvering are limited.  Sometimes, we’d just like to skip over the difficult parts. Other times there’s a strong magnetic pull that attracts all things gloomy and negative.

More commonly there are those who stay out of difficult situations by staying/looking ahead, take for instance households that have the spare toilet paper roll out visibly, to avoid those embarrassing moments for guests. Often times we’re so busy with what “feels right” or what seems to be the right thing, that we take little time to reflect upon how we’ve achieved this level of success, happiness, etc. In staying ahead, you have to take inventory of what has worked.

I am disapponited when I see mental health portrayed as simple black and white terms: crazy/insane vs. functional/normal. I have seen such portrayals in many different languages through many different communication vehicles, from social media to TV news. These limited portrayals of the vast landscape of mental health do us no good.  These reductions of mental health as being something that is either healthy or behind the eight ball do not do justice to scope of mental health. The shades of gray are there for us to navigate, the complexities of mental health can take a lifetime or more to discern.

We’ve all heard it before. One of the chief reasons why someone does not seek out the services of a counselor or therapist is because, “I’m not a crazy.” One doesn’t fill up the car with gas only when it has completely empty and won’t run, right? There is a common fear that a trip to a therapist’s office will result in one’s “head is going to get shrunk,” judgements are going to be made, and deep dark things will get uncovered that we didn’t know about ourselves. In actuality, people just feel a sense of relief, comfort,or hope after an appointment  knowing that someone is truly listening, someone is taking the time to understand, and there’s a sense of accountability, solidarity, and confidentiality in meeting with a professional.

Most people like to have some sense of control and choice over various matters of health.When we are caught behind the 8 ball,our choices become limited.

Being able to stay in front of the 8 ball is what increases your chance of winning the game, being proactive in all aspects of health, including mental health is what keeps one from succeeding in various aspects of life–families, relationships, work/school, career, etc. The relationship between mom and a baby in utero, is quite simple, a healthy mama = healthy baby. Similarly one that is mentally healthy can also positively affect the relationships and environments around them.

What are your nagging fears? What aspects of your personality are you not happy with? What prevents from succeeding? What feelings are  all consuming? Might this be something that needs attention to get you in front of the 8 ball?

photo credit: rackandbreak

I have always been drawn to collaborative work and to team sports. I was never the class president, but always the treasurer. I was never the star athlete, but always tried to find a role that contributed to the success of the team. I enjoyed playing in the orchestra, but did not enjoy playing in solo recitals. One would assume that I joined a fraternity in college for the brotherhood and camaraderie, instead I was drawn to another quasi-fraternity: Residence Life which hired me as an RA (resident advisor) where I guided young men in making adjustments to being in college, and raising the awareness of their new responsibilities as a student, roommate, friend, and member of a larger community.

Even biking presented an opportunity for camaraderie for me.  The shared experience of commuting by bicycle with others while stopped at an intersection, or even in passing one daily going in opposite directions was my favorite part of going to and from work. Currently I enjoy the friendly acknowledgment from motorcyclists when we pass one another, without any judgments that I’m on a scooter, while they roar by on their Harley.

I used to see as many clients as my boss would tell me that I needed to within the confines of office policies and protocol. Today I enjoy the freedom to work with a set number of clients that I choose, and have the freedom to completely align myself in working with a client to make mountains move.

I respect a stay at home parent who deems themselves the CEO of their household/family. Every successful company has its “Board,” and the leaders of such companies have their consultants, special assistants, or advisors.Outside of parents and in-laws it is quite rare for a parent to have their own trusted advisors or a board of directors to assist in making the difficult decisions related to a family.

Commonly when a parent is seeking me out, it is to provide a safe place for their child to “open up,” someone to assist with the difficulties and challenges at home/school or young adults are feeling anxious about careers, relationships, or responsibilities, and adults are similarly trying to feel fulfillment in their busy life or something that was once ignored is needing attention. I admire the strength and courage of those who allow oneself to admit they need help, be vulnerable, and collaboratively work together with someone else.

Who are you regularly collaborating with?

When I was in college, I was a champion procrastinator. One of the most productive forms of procrastinating came in the form of ironing my just-washed pants and shirts. Before the days of cable television in each dorm room, I would often iron in silence, watching the wrinkles vanish before my eyes, and creating uniform crisp creases. The sounds of hissing, misting, and the bursts of steam were all very tranquil.

Once the dorms were wired with cable, I took to multi-tasking: watching TV while ironing, sometimes there was even a headset involved and I would talk on the phone and iron (craziness!, I know). The peaceful and repetitive motion of ironing clothes allowed me to relax and watch the game or a sitcom. Post college the idea of watching TV and ironing continued.

The other night by chance I found my self ironing some clothes for the next day in silence- “not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” There was a desire to fire up Netflix, but I ironed in silence. The quiet meditation of ironing. How often do you get a chance to be in utter silence? 

We may not all have the ability to take a vow of silence for an extended period of time, but do we allow ourselves to quiet the noises around and just “be” or just “listen?” Do our souls and mind need to be fed with flashing lights, swiping of screens, and all the artificial soundtrack of our days?

Kids, children, and teens do not require the latest electronic device or tech device to stimulate their minds. How often are kids happy to play with blocks, Lego, or the cardboard box? The idea of free play, playing creatively with what’s around, is plenty stimulating and equally exciting as anything electronic if enough time is given. It’s very rare to meet a person who does not like to sit down and manipulate a pile of  Play Doh, or do some coloring.

Recently a friend of mine returned from a 9 day silence (no talking) and meditation retreat. That sounded intense but it caused me to wonder. . . How long have I gone without speaking? Without consuming some form of media? What about you?

*photo credit: Innovations World

As for me…

Growing up in a household where emotions were not verbally expressed frequently, I now find myself on the other end where I help people express and verbalize their own feelings (but that’s a different post). I always wondered how I would be as a father, whether I would nurture and relate to my own as my parents had, or whether I would be different. Something that I realized before the 2012 closed was that I would hear and watch others so easily verbalize love for their children, both dads and moms, and got to thinking why that was so difficult for me.

While not one for grand resolutions or new year’s goals, I decided to that 2013 would be the year that I say “love” more frequently, not in a way to degrade or cheapen the feeling, but to put “love” out there first, rather than be an unspoken understanding or a feeling that does not get communicated enough. I’m curious to see how this will personally change my interactions and relationships with others.

How about you, what will you work on this year? What about love?  The world can use a little bit more love, no?

What: My child is always goofing off and getting into trouble

Why Now: My child is going to get expelled

What: I know there’s something “wrong” with my child

Why Now: I need answers, and everyone else is minimizing my concerns

There are various reasons why Parents seek out help, and I hope to provide some answers for Parents who do not know where to begin regarding concerns your child may be having at school.

If your child is “different” than other children of the same age, whether it be in motor skills, language, behaviors, aggressiveness, etc. Here are some ides that could be of help:

• Most public school systems have an Early Childhood Screening or Early Childhood Intervention programs. This is a good place to start because it’s free and accessible to any resident of that school system whether or not your intention is to send them to public schools

• Pediatricians may also offer additional referrals to Child Developmental Specialists, Pediatric Neurologists, or other specialty clinics as needed

If you’ve noticed that your child is struggling in school, and perhaps even failing all of their classes but are surprised that they were promoted at the end of the year. Chances are your child will be starting off the new school year in a new grade very behind. If various testing scores show that your child is more than 1 year behind their peers, here’s what you could do.

• Have a conversation with the school (teachers, principal, etc.) re: your concern about your child, determine if they too are concerned about various testing results or promotion to the next grade despite being behind.

• Schools could offer a 504 Plan- Special Accommodations, where your child could receive extra support(accommodations or modifications) to help them be successful at school. Some schools are quick to implement such plans, some schools are not. The 504 plan refers to Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act and the Americans with Disabilities Act which is a federal mandate that all schools will be familiar with.

• If you feel that a 504 Plan is not sufficient to help your child “catch up” or succeed in school, than you may want to pursue an IEP, Individual Education Plan, is another federal mandate from the Individual Disability Education Act (IDEA).

• If the school does not offer to proceed with the evaluation necessary to create an IEP for your child, you may submit a written+signed request on paper re: your concerns, possibility of disability that may be affecting your child’s learning, include any known diagnoses, letters from doctors or evaluations/testing that the school may not be aware of. Please have a copy of every correspondence with the school to create a paper trail.

• If your child attends a private school that does not provide testing, as a tax payer in your municipality, you have the right to access the services of the public school system for testing and evaluation. There may be a waiting list, but could be a helpful resource.

• If you ever feel that an IEP created for your child is insufficient, you do not have to sign the IEP document and can ask for changes, or additional services.

• By law your child is required to be retested every 3 years, or sooner if needed. As a parent you should meet yearly to review the IEP that is in place.

• If there are any gross concerns or areas of the IEP that are not being met, and the school is not able to accommodate and change, a second opinion may be necessary for testing+evaluation, or from an education attorney.

If you are in college or you have a young adult in college that has struggled in high school, there are options.

• Counseling Center, Student Services, Testing and Disability Services, etc., these are some of the names of offices at a college that can be helpful. In general all institutions of higher education have an office or person in charge of any physical, mental or emotional disability that may require additional supports to be successful student. If your child had an IEP in high school, it may be beneficial to connect with this person. If you have ADHD and require small setting for taking exams, or require extra time the college should be made aware before any difficulties arise

• Family Education Rights and Protection Acts(FERPA), when your child is 18, they are legally an adult. FERPA ensures that all student records are confidential and will only be shared with those that the student(18y/o and older) states that school can share information with. For instance if your child is on academic probation, or any disciplinary actions will not be shared with parents, unless the student consents, this even includes grades. Obviously this is a conversation to have with your college aged child each year re: FERPA and whether or not the schools should be allowed to contact parents if needed.

• If your child has had psychiatric hospitalizations in the past, or is at risk to have a relapse in anyway and you would like to be notified by the school, you and your child should discuss why it might be necessary for the school to be granted permission to reach out to the family when necessary.

• It may be necessary for you and your child to set up outside/”off campus” providers due to limited availability at the school’s counseling center, inability to meet the needs of your child, or greater sense of confidentiality and privacy.

If you have made it this far, hopefully you’ve been provided with some information to accessing help for your child.

*photocredit: Lego Asia

Growing up in a college town, my friends and I always had front row seats to the ebb and flow of the student population. In fall, the mass arrival. In spring, the mass exodus. And then one summer it was my family’s turn to pack our car to the gills to drop off the firstborn at college.

My dad drove the car, I rode shotgun, and my mom sat in the back. The exact travel logistics escape me other than a 4 hour drive to school consisted of also trying to find a hotel room to stay in the night before check in. Why we didn’t just leave early the next day, I’m not sure. Hotels were either booked up or too expensive for a night. So we just slept in the car of a rest stop. The quick drive the next morning consisted of sniffles from the back. At the time I wasn’t sure sure why my mom was crying, or why she even decided to come if she was going to get all emotional–that’s what I thought to myself.

Arriving to my new dorm and unpacking my belongings with my parents was a bit embarrassing, but then again everyone’s parents were doing the same thing. Of course I never thought my parents were as cool as everyone else. When my parents finally left, I felt much excitement in my new independence and freedom, the very things I had longed for embracing in my new chapter in life.

Transitions in life are different for everyone. For parents, the idea of the” empty nest” may be something they are looking forward to; for students, college may be exciting and frightening at the same time. Regardless of how long we have to prepare for a transition, sometimes we may be caught off guard when the moment actually arrives, or even with our delayed response after the fact.

Are you about to drop off your child off at college many hundreds of miles away? Are you a young person about to move away from home? I would love to hear your thoughts on the experience. Is your child starting kindergarten this fall? Transitions can be eased with short term counseling, consider contacting me if I can be of assistance.

* photo credit: bricksburgh

Some sport campers will find their natural gifts to excel in a sport, but simply everyone is expecting to have fun and to improve. Some have aspirations of making the varsity team in 9th grade, others are trying to be selected to the travel team, or others have longer term goals of becoming an Olympian or a professional sports star. Regardless of one’s own goals and talents, the chief purpose of these camps is to celebrate the fun of sport.

But when one is trying to develop faster than he/she is able, there can be the inevitable growing pains, and the sport stops being fun. Other times children just want to play, and not be told to be in this position, execute this play, or over-intellectualize the game. Sport camps should be fun, but oftentimes kids can feel discouraged and find it not so fun.  The reality is that  all camps involve practice and repetition.

As a student athlete in high school and college I remember many days where practice was not enjoyable, but when we got to play or scrimmage, the fun factor increased immensely. Whether kids are playing soccer, lacrosse, basketball, or swimming, kids just want to play and compete. Thus, the prospect of a thoughts of a sport specific camp may be dazzling, but when faced with very structured and scheduled instructional time of drills, skills, practices, etc., children may lose their interest.

Practice is inherently not enjoyable because it has to do with failure. If we were perfect, would we have to practice? Budding athletes have so much to learn, from various techniques, body control, situational game knowledge, etc., and taking in all this information takes time, and implementing all the new stuff will initially be sloppy. Just like learning to ride a bike can be full of knee scrapes and property damage, learning a new movement, a new position, or being forced to work on our weakness will initially result in some level of failure. Failure isn’t a child’s goal, however their goal is to have fun and to improve, right?

Parents can do well to reinforce the joy of sports by creating a safe space for their child(ren) to understand the scope of sports.  Parents can share what a camp may be like, including the expectations. It’s also important that children know that failure is an option and it’s the only way one becomes better and ultimately to become great. Understanding and empathy from their parents through the growing pains of becoming an athlete will allow young people to feel supported and encouraged to continue to persevere and improve.

*of course if you want to take this one step further you can apply the aspects of failure/practice and sports to academics, life, school, etc.

* Photo Credit: Thortie

Summer is probably many people’s favorite season. There are the occasional heat waves and severe weather, but those are redeemed by the frivolity: outdoor concerts, trips to the pool/beach, camping, flea markets, warm starry nights, boating, etc. There is so much that one can do that is not so ideal to do in the spring or fall.

Rejuvenated: Summer hearkens back to childhood, playing outdoors barefoot, getting nails dirty, sun bleached hair, and summer tans. The return back to nature, or playing in nature is such a big part of summer. Yes there is fun to be had waiting in lines to ride the most stomach churning roller coaster, but the connection back to the land, mother earth, God’s creation, etc. has a way of putting everything back in the perspective. Perhaps it’s simply spending less time breathing in recycled air and inhaling clean crisp air with a hint of pine, maybe it’s kicking off those shoes and letting our toes be free. Genuine belly laughs with family and friends over something truly funny/silly vs. laughing at the latest Tumblr meme, or celebrity mishap. It’s easy to feel rejuvenated when we’re outdoors and free of the constraints, rules, and the burdens of our job, routines, clothes, etc. We become reacquainted with what seems so simple and natural.

Refreshed: Have you ever returned from a trip only to find that everything seems a bit too loud, fast, bright, etc. Taking a break from our routine life should leave us with clarity of thoughts/absence of cluttered ideas, purposeful actions, and greater awareness for our surroundings. We can feel refreshed many different ways from taking a nap(or sleeping consistently more) to taken the “road less traveled” in the wilderness.

The whole point of taking a break, taking a vacation, is to return with clarity and feelings of being renewed, refreshed or even reset to return to the breakneck pace of life with the children, daily commute, school, or social calendars. I hope your reconnection to nature this summer leaves you feeling rejuvenated. If you get some time away from the daily grind, I hope it leaves you feeling refreshed, confident and secure with moving through and beyond the summer months.’

When’s your next time out this summer?

*Photo Credit: Kali